Thursday, 16 February 2023

The never ending pain

I feel it every day, never gets better, only you get weaker, and the depression wins every moment until you find a way.. My face may tell a different expression that others would like to see, but inside I dont want to suffer anymore. You know, I cry, cry before I sleep, cry while asleep, cry even in work, cry when I see a film, even cry without a single reason why, but I do it at times when no one is around, because I know it aint something someone wants to see.

Thursday, 9 June 2022


Hello, Have you ever had anyone that you thought to be a friend, but later turns out they ain't, well that is exactly what disappoints me in a way.

Sunday, 1 May 2022


The view of how I see life, it's like you're born in field with lush green grass, and as each year goes by, each bit of that green lush grass just disappears slowly.

My every bit of happiness still completely disolved hitting near my 30's, and I deep down miss the true feeling of not having a single doubt in my mind, the warmth on my skin, the silk feel of my skin, and most of all, the sweetest dreams that made me feel free inside.

I can't lie, but with each day as I get older, I feel it would only be the last, the only thing that sticks in the back of my head is the thought of wanting to let go, let go of the pain that still hurts mentally without doubt.

My dream, lets just say that dreaming is something I honestly wish still happened in the way I still remember, as broken as I am inside, my dreams are too.

As broken as I am, I have always dreamed to be a father, a father that would always be there, a father that no matter what will do what he can, and above all, a father they would truely miss one and remember one day.

I cry as I am writing this very post, a post that is written in and around the heart.

Tuesday, 30 November 2021

Cold tears for christmas

Sitting here in my room, thoughts of how lonely I deeply feel, the warm tears run down my cheeks only later turn to chilled streams of water. The only thing I really and deeply want is to have family around, I can't bare how painful is it to feel without a soul that you can reach out and feel understood. If anyone is reading this, I hope you are with someone next to you, because I aint.

Wednesday, 13 October 2021

The real truth

I am here to post my last and final... mostly prob post. The fact that I have felt this way for so long is because I feel totally broken, totally disconnected, not even family could even understand the issues I face each day I am alive on this planet. A long hard wish is to be connected, cherished, but also known. Am I a forgotten thought? my heart bleeds only to feel that sharp pain deep down. Mentally each day I am finding that all my tears are dried up and the only thing I have to seeing my life is coming to a end. Sorry, PS, I shall hope to rest soon.

Saturday, 4 September 2021

Why must I suffer?

The every minute of every day, I lay in the darkness, staring out a grey reflection of just horror and doubt about ever feeling alive. I feel like a ghost drifting through life and seeing only loneiness deep down. If any out there reading this feels the same, you can reach me out on my official telegram group below.