Full of flu

Hello everyone, I know it's been rather long since I posted last, but so far been doing counciling and it's doing some good, but on top I am listening to classical music to help with my sleeping issues, id recommend Mozarts, good tunes. any here want to post anything relatable, feel free, im always up to reply back and listen. thanks

Sleep, warmth, and pain,

The moment you hit 30 and you think you made it, but instead, your life is gonna be a lot harder when it comes to mental health, I myself am struggling a lot, the pain I wake up with just makes me feel that I wanna sleep with tears running down my eyes and the feel of warmth from my cat by myself, this pain is too much.

The never ending pain

I feel it every day, never gets better, only you get weaker, and the depression wins every moment until you find a way.. My face may tell a different expression that others would like to see, but inside I dont want to suffer anymore. You know, I cry, cry before I sleep, cry while asleep, cry even in work, cry when I see a film, even cry without a single reason why, but I do it at times when no one is around, because I know it aint something someone wants to see.

Broken

Hello, Have you ever had anyone that you thought to be a friend, but later turns out they ain't, well that is exactly what disappoints me in a way.

Life

The view of how I see life, it's like you're born in field with lush green grass, and as each year goes by, each bit of that green lush grass just disappears slowly.

My every bit of happiness still completely disolved hitting near my 30's, and I deep down miss the true feeling of not having a single doubt in my mind, the warmth on my skin, the silk feel of my skin, and most of all, the sweetest dreams that made me feel free inside.

I can't lie, but with each day as I get older, I feel it would only be the last, the only thing that sticks in the back of my head is the thought of wanting to let go, let go of the pain that still hurts mentally without doubt.

My dream, lets just say that dreaming is something I honestly wish still happened in the way I still remember, as broken as I am inside, my dreams are too.

As broken as I am, I have always dreamed to be a father, a father that would always be there, a father that no matter what will do what he can, and above all, a father they would truely miss one and remember one day.

I cry as I am writing this very post, a post that is written in and around the heart.

Cold tears for christmas

Sitting here in my room, thoughts of how lonely I deeply feel, the warm tears run down my cheeks only later turn to chilled streams of water. The only thing I really and deeply want is to have family around, I can't bare how painful is it to feel without a soul that you can reach out and feel understood. If anyone is reading this, I hope you are with someone next to you, because I aint.